tomColt Adventures
by tomColt15
Summary: A young girl was having a totally normal life, that was until her brother decided to introduce her to MLP:FiM. Now she was a huge fan and a fanfiction fanatic. However, she had her limits, there were some types of fanfictions she just couldn't stand. Well, now she's in a fanfiction that has everything she doesn't like about em. This is a crap fic/parody fic, read at your own risk
1. Eww Ponies

Just another day of being a kid. It was the summer of twenty twelve and me and my brothers were on our way to a super boring computer camp they convened me to participate in. It's not that the camp was super boring, just that I wasn't into computers like that and everything they tried teaching, I already knew. Walking there was the most interesting part, which was pretty sad considering I walked with my brothers.

"Hey guys guess what!" my older brother called to me and my younger brother as he leaped towards us. "There's this super cool new show that we should all watch together."

"Oh yeah what is it?" my younger brother dared.

"Guess," the older one teased. I groaned in annoyance. Both my brothers were always being stupid and saying the dumbest things. I knew my older brother, Jacob, was going to say something stupid like 'Care Bears" or "Polly Pocket". Heck, most girls wouldn't care too much about that kind of crap, but I'm not like most girls. I never really cared for Barbie dolls or asked for a pony for Christmas, I'm what people would call a tomboy. Whatever, I still wasn't going to guess, I just let my brothers have their lame conversation.

"Hmmm, is it Sonic?" my younger brother, Vincent, attempted to guess. My older brother shook his head and said no. "Is it an anime?" he guessed again considering my family's love for Japanese animation.

"Nope," Jacob denied once more. "Hey, aren't you gonna guess?" he turned towards me. I exhaled, seeing that I couldn't stay out of the conversation.

"Lemme guess, it's something stupid," I said blankly.

"Nah, I think you'll love it," Jacob replied unfazed.

"Well, I'm not guessing so you might as well just tell us now," I finally admitted. My brother frowned at my lack of emotion fir a split second before getting ready to reveal the super important television show.

"Alright, alright. It's..." he took in a quick breath. "My Little Pony!" I immediately stopped walking and rose an eyebrow at him. Both brothers stopped walking as well. "Friendship is Magic!"

"No thank you," I simply replied before walking ahead of the two.

After another day of being lectured on computer stuff I was already well aware of, me and my brothers were on our way back home. My brothers decided to talk about this whole My Little Pony crap again, so I took the liberty of leaving them behind. Once I returned home, I approached a small cage were rumbling noised were coming from. I opened the cage and watched as a tiny black lab circled around my feet.

"At least you're not telling me about ponies," I knelt down and spoke to the dog. "Alright Shadow, lets feed you now." At that moment I filled the little bowl that was next to the cage with little brown pelts of dog food. The little puppy was done eating at the exact moment my brothers walked through the door, still talking about ponies. Once my dog finished jumping all over them, they turned on the T.V. I walked up to the living room and heard a familiar theme. "Ponies," I muttered. I looked at my two brothers and noticed how intently they were watching the colorful show. "Hold up, you two aren't seriously watching this mess?"

"Yeah we are, you should watch with us," my little brother invited me.

"Yeah, my friend said it was a really cool show," my older brother agreed. No matter how heartless I look or act, it was always hard for me to say no, so I usually said no thank you. Before I could say anything though, my older sister decided to join the party.

"Hey are you guys watching My Little Pony?" she asked. Vincent jerked his head up and down in response.

"Yup, see Vanessa," Vincent turned towards me. "even Jessica is going to watch with us." Honestly, the whole sibling rivalry stuff was just for fun, I loved watching things with my siblings. However, I had to draw the line at ponies. I looked around for a way out of the dreadfully colorful world of ponies, then I saw my puppy.

"Uh, no thank you," I finally responded. "I have to, uh, walk Shadow and all." I quickly took my dogs collar and dragged her out the door before calling back to my kin, "Lock the door after me!"

I walked along side my leashless dog around the park. "Finally, away from those stupid ponies," I muttered to Shadow. In return she only sat down and whined. I looked forward and saw another group of at least ten other dogs, then looked back at my own. "Go on," I motioned to her. At that moment, my dog jolted off to the other much larger dogs. I watched as the whippet-lab mix ran, she looked just like a horse, but smaller. Almost like a- "Hold up, I did this to get away from ponies," I muttered to myself.

As I walked around with my dog some more, I noticed a police car parked a block from my house. I quickly tried turning away, this guy was always getting on me for not curbing my dog then made me go home early. However, it was too late, the guy was always looking out for me.

"Hey!" the officer called. "Nessa, gotta put a leash on that dog," he reminded me.

"Yeah, okay," I pretended to understand. I was always kind of annoyed with the fact that he would act like my best friend and call me nicknames.

"C'mon Vee, you should know it's a city law by now. How many times have I told you?"

"Like I would count," I muttered under my breath.

"Twenty seven," he said casually. This guy. "You know the drill," he said pointing in the direction of my house.

"Yeah, I know," I grunted. After picking up the tiny puppy, I made my way home. Stepping up, I rang the door bell, too lazy to take my keys out of my pocket. I checked my watch and noticed it had only been fifteen minutes since I left. Oh great, T.V. shows lasted half an hour. I thought about just turning back to avoid a bombard of ponies, but it was too late. Vincent was always the one to answer the door.

"Vanessa, you came back just in time," he greeted. "Why'd you come back so early though, officer?"

"Yup," I said as I walked into the house.

"Hey, that's what Bic Mac says," my older brother said as I walked past him.

"Who the heck said anything about burgers?" I questioned.

"No, Bic Macintosh is one of the ponies from-"

"Don't tell me anymore," I cut him off after hearing the word pony. "I'm going up stairs."

After getting into the safeness of my bedroom, I logged onto my computer. After a bit of web surfing, I ran into a random pony ad. Great, now I can't even escape on the internet. "Jeez, what's so amazing about these dang ponies anyway," I asked myself. However, I honestly didn't care to find out at the moment.

The next day basically went the same way. Brothers talking about My Little Pony, walking my dog to avoid it, then being sent back early by the same officer. This time, when I walked in, the show wasn't on commercials. My eyes wandered to the television screen and I was terrified. All I saw was a drooping, blue spotted purple thing flailing around in front of some pudgy dragon thing. Then the next seen showed a bunch of other weird looking creatures. A ball of white and purple dreadlocks or something, a weird pink monster with a nasty spotted tongue sticking out, a tiny orange toy or something, a little horse that looked like someone tried copying Blossom from the Power Puff Girls, a rainbow dude with a ladder on its neck, the purple thing, and a weird pony that sounded like a man. What. The. Mess.

"Oh hey Vanessa," Jacob lingered on his words. "You kinda came at the wrong time."

"Those things are ponies?" I asked, pointing at the screen.

"Well, kind of,"Vincent blurted. "If you saw the rest of the show you would know."

"Whatever."

The next day was a Saturday, finally. Today, however, was quite unusual. I''m usually the first to wake up, no matter how late I wake up, but this time my brothers were down stairs bright and early watching that cursed show. I decided to ignore it and move on, at least the ponies actually looked like ponies now though. Or at least I thought so until I allowed myself to lay eyes on the show another time. Was that blue pony seriously dressed up like the queen of flippin' England? And what the mess were those little things? Navi's babies? My goodness, I swear I'm not liking this show at all.

After going to get some juice from the kitchen, I came back a couple minutes later. I then made the same mistake of watching the pony show. Great, now the blue one is wearing a bikini of Navi babies. I now knew one thing for sure, if I were ever to watch My Little Pony, the rainbow one would be my least favorite.


	2. Eww HiE

It had been a whole year since my old brother Jacob decided to introduce me to the greatest show in the whole entire universe. I always knew that a show like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic would be totally epic, especially the blue rainbow maned one. Rainbow Dash was by far my favorite, as I suspected in the first place. Either way, I was now totally obsessed with the show and I did everything a total brony, or pegasister, would do.

I already began drawing every last pony on the show, and even the mane six as humans. I'd really come to love the gijinka style, that is as long as it's done _right_. After drawing and posting millions of pictures and putting some on my school work and binders, I moved onto the next step. Fanfictions. At first, I was quite sketchy about the whole fanfic community, then I read the most epic TwiDash fiction in the whole world. Afterwards, I couldn't go one day without reading at least ten thousand words of pure pony fanfiction. I even dedicated a whole wall in my room for just ponies and wrote a couple of songs about ponies.

Right now, I was browsing my computer to look for more fanfictions, as it was once again summer time and I hadn't a thing to do. As I scrolled throughout the selection of fanfics, I silently grew impatient with the lack of things that interested me. Everyone had rules on what they read, I was particularly picky. I wouldn't dare read a thing that wasn't circulated around Dash, I'd never lay eyes on an HiE fic, first person was a no no, and AppleDash was off limits as well. Yeah, you can imagine the trouble I went through just to find one.

There a light knock on my door as I continued my search. After flinching, I quickly rushed towards it, not wanting whoever was there to enter my pigsty of a room.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Hey," Vincent greeted as he opened the door more, "You wanna go to the park with Shadow?" As much as I loved the dog and being outside, I was having one of those unrare lazy moments where I couldn't bring myself to say yes.

"Nah," I responded, "go on without me."

"What are doing anyway? Ponies?" I stared blankly not knowing how to respond. "Man, you're obsessed with that crap now."

"Hold up, you're the one who said it was so amazing before," I argued. Obviously, a year made my little brother much more mature than me, so he left shaking his head. "Whatever." I muttered after he made his exit.

I sat back down at my computer getting ready to search some more for a good fanfiction to read, but soon grew tired of not finding anything. Instead, I decided to browse the wonderful world of deviant art for more pony related stuff. After about an hour or two of browsing around the world of Equestria, I sat back in my seat. "Jeez, have I really been doing this for hours?" I asked myself in disbelief. "Maybe I am a bit obsessed... meh, I'll just take a break from these ponies for a little while."

"Waitwaitwait!" a high pitched random voice busted my eardrums. Usually, I'm pretty calm and I don't get scared or surprised easily, but this was an exception. I fell back in my chair and hit the floor as a scream escaped my mouth. In my computer screen was a bright pink pony. Her torso was simply sticking out of it and she had the biggest smile I'd ever seen on her face.

"Uh..." was all that I could say. She opened her eyes to reveal the bright blue orbs inside. "Pinkie Pie?"

"Yupperlidoodle!" she said as if half of her sticking out of my computer was totally normal. "You can't take a break from ponies just yet either. First, you have to see what you've been missing out on!"

"Uh, I don't think I miss out on that much. I'm probably the only thirteen year old you'll see that spends this much time online for ponies like you."

"But don't you wanna meet us?"

"What?"

"C'mon silly!" She said as she grabbed my wrist. I tried to pull free, but somehow her hooves had an extremely tight grip. "You can meet Twily, and AJ, and Rarity, and Fluttershy, and even Dashie!"

"Hold up, what are talking about?" I finally spoke after my idol's name came into picture.

"To Equestria!" Pinkie Pie shouted. With that, the cheerful pink pony pulled the two of us back into my computer screen. I didn't scream or anything because the ride wasn't all that fast. That and, I was kind of frozen, wouldn't you be if Pinkie Pie just pulled you into your computer like it was nothing? Then, a though occurred to me. Oh great, this is going to be just like one of those HiE fanfictions isn't it. I groaned in disappointment as we continued traveling down the void to Equestria.

* * *

_A/N; Basically I have to write a story about everything I dislike in a story. So it might be funny, it might be stupid. I would say stick around, but this is going to be a bit crazy o_o_


	3. Eww Filler

God, I was probably having the worst flippin' dream in the world. First, I was just being all cool as always, but then out of nowhere Pinkie Pie comes and turns my life into a crappy Human in Equestria fanfiction. Bleh, as long as I don't have to 'save the world' or get into a 'relationship' with one of the mane six, I'm cool.

I began to let my eyes flutter open and – oh crap. Well would you look at that, I'm in Equestria, Human in Equestria. I know enough about all this canon stuff to know the first pony to notice will be a certain mint green unicorn, maybe I'll just hop back to Earth while I'm at it.

"OH EM GEE!" I heard somebo- some_pony_- cry out. Oh would you look at that, it's the one and only Lyra Heartstrings. "You're a-a human! I told Bon Bon they existed! I just knew it, now who's crazy!" she shouted to the heavens. Honestly, I was kind of surprised, like the 'omg I met a celeb' type of surprise. However, I'm a collected person, so seeing Lyra here all amazed and shiz was just kind of typical.

"Yeah, hi," I greeted with no emotion.

"Ha! I have to show you to my fillyfriend that you exist!" Lyra said as she somehow grabbed my hand. Seriously, how the mess are these ponies getting such a grip on me with flippin' hooves? Equestria has yet to cease to amaze me. Hold up, she said her fillyfriend?

"Uh, you said your fillyfriend? As in Bon Bon?" I asked.

"Yeah, now let's go," she said pulling me into the town. Wait, I woke up next to Ponyville and Lyra was just wandering around? Or did her spidey senses start tingling? Ugh, no explanations as always, it's a good thing my brain allows me to create my own fantasies when reading. Whatever, back to the whole Lyra ex Bon Bon canon shipping.

"So, uh, how did that happen?" I asked, trying to get to the bottom of where the whole thing came from.

"Well, we just hang out a lot together and something kind of clicked," she explained...ish.

"Actually, you two were seen together in like five scenes and everyone freaked out about it. Er, um, you know what forget I said anything," I brushed off, not wanting to kill the space-time continuum or whatever else happens in those HiE fanfictions.

"Okay then, c'mon we're almost there!" Lyra pushed me closed to Ponyville. Wait, seriously? We were like a mile outside of town and I was talking for hardly a minute, I finished a mile and a half race in five minutes? Is time really that unimportant in stories?

Once I was done complaining to myself, we miraculously reached the center of Ponyville where a cream colored earth pony was lying down on a park bench. I already knew this was Bon Bon and I knew what was going to happen soon as well.

"Lyra, where have you been?" Bon Bon said the moment she saw her fillyfriend. Then, she saw the person standing on two legs next to Lyra, me. "What is that?" she asked as if I were an inanimate object.

"That," Lyra began. She stood on her hind legs almost trying to mimic me and threw her front hooves out for exaggeration. "is a human being!" I blankly stared at Bon Bon, her mouth was agape and she looked completely surprised. Jeez, what's the big deal? When I first saw a real life pony I just pet it like it was nothing, not that I wanted cartoon ponies to pet me of course.

"Wow," Bon Bon finally gasped. "I guess you were right. Humans do exist, it's pretty small though." Well you're kind of a horse and I'm human, there's a big difference in size. Hold up, they keep calling me an 'it' and last time I check this isn't a game of tag.

"Yup, I found it just outside of Ponyville," Lyra bragged.

"I've got a name you know," I muttered under my breath.

"Oh yeah, then what is it?" Lyra asked turning towards me. Confound their super pony ears.

"Vanessa."

"What a strange name," Bon Bon commented. Like being named after the french word for candy wasn't unusual, my name is pretty dang common where I come from.

"So would that be a colt or filly name?" Lyra asked me. What the actually fudge? They really couldn't tell, when's the last time you saw a dude named Vanessa?

"What do you think?" I scowled.

"Well, you look like a filly-"

"I'm not a horse."

"but your voice is kind of deep like a young colt-"

"I'm not a horse."

"What kind of accent is that? Trottingham?"

"Is that supposed to be the England of Equestria?" I asked once Lyra finally stopped examining me. Honestly, I didn't see the big deal, my name says it all. Besides my voice isn't that deep... or I don't really have an accent... Pfft, whatever, this is still just some crap HiE.

"Lyra, I'm pretty sure that's a filly," Bon Bon, thank Celestia, finally spoke up. You know, I didn't even care if I was just called a horse about fifteen times either.

Finally, I was able to escape the awkwardness of being around those two. I decided I'd just wander around Ponyville until I came across the same pink pony that brought me into this mess. As I kept on walking throughout Ponyville, some felt weird. The strange feeling of huge colorful pony eyes string at me wasn't there anymore. When I first arrived, everyone was staring at me, now they were acting as if I was just being normal. I brought my hand up to scratch my head, but I couldn't. It was as if I had to fingers. Oh now I see what happened. I looked down at myself and noticed I was practically naked. I only had on my white hoodie, but it kind of didn't matter now seeing that I was somehow a pony now.

Aw jeez, not one of these stories.

* * *

_A/N; Alright, basically just a little filler. Not trying to make fun of anyone here... or am I... nah, just joking. So I've checked off HiE, now moving onto the whole 'Oh noez, I'm a pony' scene. Next chapter; Eww I'm a Pony. Chapter after; Eww bad shipping. Sorry if this offends anyone out there, I'm actually kind of surprised at the number of views considering the synopsis I wrote. Edit: Brony001, chapter one was all a true story. Chapter two was all a true story until Pinkie came, that's where the names and all this came from_


	4. Eww I'm a Pony

Okay, so now I'm a pony. Well it could be worse. It could be one of those moments where I die or I'm the last human then they magically teleport me to Equestria, but it's not. Just randomly turning into a pony, at least that's less cliched than other stuff I've seen. In fact, I could probably think of a million synopsizes I've seen a _million_ times. Emo kid with bad life goes to Equestria, pony hater going to Equestria, closet brony going to Equestria, guy with "simple life" going to Equestria, and now girl getting pulling into her computer screen by Pinkie Pie to go to Equestria. Meh, it's all the same.

Now that I was done criticizing HiE fictions, I became curious of what pony I was. I immediately ran to the window of SugarCube Corner and look at my reflection, I was my OC pony. The black and yellow star mane, the furry gray coat, slightly thick hooves, and the wings. The wings were always my favorite part about my OC. While the small first layer was the same gray as my coat, the second layer was a bright yellow with black tips. I stared into the red eyes of my reflection with a smirk, this might've been the coolest part about going to Equestria so far.

Wait a minute, I was standing outside of SugerCube Corner, so Pinkie must be in there. How come I haven't seen it there before? Jeez, we really need to pick out some kind of map for Ponyville. Sometimes people say SugerCube Corner is next to Carrousel Boutique, I see no boutique. Sometimes they say it's closer to the library, no library in sight. Well I can't really blame authors for not knowing, there really isn't any set place for any of these spots.

I casually entered the candy scented bakery only to see the thing I've been waiting for this whole time. The mane six, all sitting at the counter getting sweets from Pinkie Pie. Finally, this could probably make this the best day ever! Wait, I can't just go up there saying I love watching them on my television, they'll think I'm mentally retarded or something. Alright, I'll just have to act casual. I fumbled a bit on my hooves at first, still kind of getting used to the whole pony thing, before reaching a stool. Okay, how the mess do ponies sit on stools? Being a pony was actually harder than I imagined, do other people in other stories just know how to be a pony right off the bat or what?

I finally propped myself up on the stool and sat on it with my hooves dangling like a human would sit. Then I quickly remembered that's not how a pony sat and corrected myself before gaining attention like Lyra did when people first spotted her. Honestly, I'm not one for sweets all that much, but hey, I was already here no point in not getting something. I look over to the mane six and saw my favorite pony eating a little apple cupcake while making small talk with Applejack. Since I'm kind of like Scootaloo mark two, I ordered the same. By doing this, I hoped she'd notice and say something about that, and she did. Yipee! Score one for me!

"Hey, I love those apple cupcakes," Dash turned towards me. Now I may have been kind of excited and frozen in it, so I didn't really reply. During my retarded moment, it seemed she'd examined me. "Hey, you look like you're pretty fast in the sky! Wanna race!" she offered.

"Uh..." No! I'd been a pony for five minutes, like I'd know how to fly. "Sure," I said like a total foal.

"Awesome! Meet me outside," she ordered before slipping off her stool. Then Dash dashed off to the streets, but before that giving Applejack a peck on the cheek.

Oh hold up, no no no!

* * *

_A/N; Sorry I didn't upload this earlier, fell asleep while writing. This chapter is a bit shorter because... just because. The next chapter will be about shipping pairs that are popular but aren't done well most of the time (or in my opinion). Taz, you're a genie, I was gonna have the chapter after Eww Bad Shipping as Eww Bad Climax or something. However, that might have to wait, leaving for camp tomorrow so this story will be updated alongside my other one._


	5. Eww Mary Sue

Okay, calm down Vee. All you're doing is racing the fastest pegasus in the flippin' history of pegasi, no big deal right. Eh, no. Lemme think, I just got to Equestria a couple minutes ago and I can hardly walk as it is. Now I'm about to fly. Scratch that, attempt to fly. I look over to my right, the speedy pony known as Rainbow Dash looked about ready to kill something. She began stretching out her wings in all sorts of ways, then hopped around. Alright, from my knowledge of cross country, she's just warming up. However, she looked like she was actually going to take this as if it were a Wonderbolts audition.

Then there was me, just standing here watching. I began to try mimicking her wing stretches, but ultimately failed. Heck, I couldn't even move my wings!

"Hey," the raspy voice called. I looked over and saw Dash calling me. "Aren't you going to stretch or anything, you look pretty collected." I have no idea how to respond to that. "Oh, I get it. You think you don't need to stretch and that you've got this in the bag!" Nope. "Well, I'm kind of the fastest flier in Equestria, so I think you should look out."

"Hold up, what?" Then competitive Vanessa started talking. "I'll have you know I'm pretty fast on my feet too." I need to shut up.

"Well then, let's see how fast you are in the skies."

I'm so flippin' screwed. "Aw, okay, let's go!"

So, Rainbow Dash said ready set go in an unimaginably fast way and then we were off. For the first five seconds, I just stood on the ground ignorant to what I should be doing. Then, outta nowhere, my wings started moving super duper awesomely fast. Then, I past up Rainbow Dash.

Dagnabit, I'm a Mary Sue too.

* * *

_A/N; Really short chapter, sorry. I was going to make a lot more, but I'm really sick. Another thing I hate are Mary Sue characters, so here's one right here. _


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